Cracked It

Well it took a few days but I've cracked it.

Time to crawl into bed because I feel like dog shit.

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Wait And See

Not sure if these are actually being sent no apparent publish or launch button

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Mobile Test

Quick test again of my mobile blogging tools on iPhone.

Jotting this down quick at tea break.

Hope it all works and I don't arse it up.

Standby for more.

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Jim Jeffries

I went to see Jim Jeffries last night in Lincoln.

That man is one evil bastard but bloody hilarious. He will joke about anything from religion, disability, rape you name it he'll go there.

I think he gets away with it because rather than just using controversial topics for shock he actually has something funny to say about them.

If your easily offended stay away, If you want someone to take to some bad places and deride humor from them, then he's your man. I think it's just the usual bawdy sick jokes type humor that people share privately when in the correct company, he just has the balls to stand up in front of an audience and say it out loud.

New Kite!!!

Got my new kite yesterday, hooray. It's a 5 meter Ozone Haka quite a lifty kite.

I took it out for a 20 minute spin last night. Thanks to Glenn's handywork (I was being a bit of cleft when it came to untangling the lines) I soon had it set up and in the air. The wind was quite low so it took a few attempts to launch but even in low wind it still had some pull.

I can't wait to try it in some higher winds, although it could be brown trousers time. Looking at some of the kite videos on youTube has frightened me a bit, but then again that's where all the fun is.

Tally Ho! It's take off time.

me blog good, again.

I am still alive.

Getting into twitter and other web 2.0 rubbish and stopped bloging for a while.

Shows a lack of discipline for blog writing I suppose. Haven't run for months but reading my early posts makes me want to start again.

Watched Iron Man movie it was excellent can't wait for the new Indian Jones movie next week.

Getting into power kiting as well now days. Regularly flying my little flexifoil buzz and saving up for a bigger kite and ultimately a buggy.

See you soon hopefully

new shoes

Well who would have thought it, it's been a month and I'm still running. It's not getting much easier but I am improving all the time. I try and run every other day or three times a week whichever is easiest to mentally complete.

I've been out and bought some boss gear consisting of some reebok running kit and some nike triax10+ trainees, which are compatible with my nikeplus system. I like the shoes but I'm still getting used to them, plenty of bounce but they feel a bit stiff after a while. I went to the Lincolnshire Runner on the high street for the shoes and got some great advice. He soon had me strapped into various shoes running up and down the high street with my jeans rolled up looking like a proper lincoln resident.

It turns out that I overpronate when I run, no it's not fancy talk for running like a girl, it just means my feet angle inwards slightly as I run, probably all those years dodging dog turds growing up in Liverpool. We went through a few pairs and decided the triax where the best fit for my style. Like I said I'm still getting used to them but minus one little insole niggle overall they are really good.

The other annoying thing is since I put the sensor in my new shoes it's sent all the measurements out, my distances have all dropped by 10 percent so one lap of the field used to be 1KM now its only 900 meters, arse. Looks like I will have to calibrate my shoes but then again I won't have a built in excuse of accuracy for any bum runs. It could be that they are actually more accurate now I'm using the proper shoes rather than an external sensor pouch on a non nike+ shoe. Di came up with that theory and damn it she could just be right.

The kids are finally back at school, we've all been worried about Cam going to senior school for the first time but it seems he's quite happy he finished his first day today and seemed to like it. Thats good news for everyone just another 7 years school left for him, then it's off to university to study nakedology or whatever trendy courses there are in the near future.

I hope this doesn't turn into one of those boring running blogs. Too late I think it has.

Let's all go to the movies.

Well it's been a great week all round really. Looking back It seems I've been blogging for over a year now. That went quick, well for me anyway, it probably seems an eternity to the poor reader of this shash.

Did a bit of running this week, not as much as I should but enough, I really struggled on my last one that's a bit worrying.

Had a nice weekend it was my eldest son Cam's 11th birthday, so we had a great bit of scoff at Damons, (got to have ribs it made them famous). Although for some reason I had chicken fajitas.

We then went the pictures to see the new Harry Potter movie the order of the phoenix. We all enjoyed it, I was very impressed because I remember the book being a bit of a plodder, but the film was excellent, really cut to the meat and bones of the story without to much padding like the book had. The ending was great can't wait to blow my home cinema up with that one.

On Monday we went on the back field with Glenn and his remote control car. It's a little fuel powered thing that goes 40 miles an hour it was awesome. We all had a go the kids loved it, and they didn't smash it up which was impressive. I think if you can get one that mows the lawn as you drive it you could be onto a winner, I better patent that. I just have so there.

Last night we went the pictures again (must be a record). We watched the transformers movie. It was brilliant, the story was a load of fluff but if your happy with transforming cars and trucks kicking each other in the nuts and bolts you can't complain about the story. The effects where outstanding and in all it was a real good summer blockbuster.

So that's that, I think I will go running along the viking way this week a bit of cross country see what it like, bloody knackering I would imagine.

Weekend in Liverpool

Had a great weekend in Liverpool. Instead of just watching telly and eating my mums delicious roast dinners, we decided to go out and see some of the cities culture and heritage. It's something I've been meaning to do for ages but you know what it's like you tend to take things for granted when you've grown up there and visit frequently.

Anyway on the Saturday we went to town on the train and visited a few places. We went to St Georges Hall first, the famous resting place of Hitlers missing testicle if the song is to be trusted. I have my doubts as it wasn't on display anywhere. It's one of those landmark buildings I've seen from the outside thousands of times, but I've never been inside before. It was fantastic inside and the ballroom was unbelievable. Really opulent and a testament to the cities rich Victorian heritage. It matches any room in the Vatican or Windsor Castle.

There was also a display in there by the Liverpool artist Anthony Brown. Called '100 heads' it was collages of the faces of famous scousers. It was amazingly detailed first you would be attracted by the face but you where soon drawn into the details making up the face, letters, tickets photographs tiny pieces of the persons life making up the whole portrait.

After a spot of lunch at Wetherspoons we went to the Maritime Museum at Albert Dock. There was a ship there called the Bounty, which may or may not of been in the Pirates Of The Caribbean Movies (there appeared to be some confusion). The museum was good with a great installation about the last 800 years of Liverpool. There was loads of stuff on slavery as well which was very moving but I must confess that I wasn't personally involved in the trade. The only thing I traded in the 70's was Star Wars cards.

After that we where knackered and we had only scratched the surface. I guess I will have to do part 2 next time we visit.

Holiday Special

Well I've had a nice week in a caravan on the Yorkshire coast. Went to Filey, Scarborough and Whitby. It was good fun and the kids loved it. We went with my mum and dad, sister, brother in law and all the kids. We all had our own caravans we're not real pikeys.

I love Whitby the view from up on the cliffs by the abbey looking down on the town are lovely. Great sites mingle with the smell of chips, goths and donkey turds it's a marvelous heady mix.

I also got hooked on the arcade, I must have spent half of my life savings on those crane games trying to win simpsons cuddly toys.

Well I even managed two runs (not the ones to the toilet) on holiday, not bad for someone who is bone idle.

Run Fatboy Run

Thanks to my new nike+ running system coupled with my fear of an early grave, I have started running to get fit and try to lose some excess poundage.

Bugger me it's hard, I usually run in the morning so that I don't frighten children and old ladies. People tend to cross over when a purple faced blimp comes huffing and puffing towards them sounding like the Hogwarts Express.

Anyway I've posted my run up here like a trophy just to prove that I did at least once shuffle 3k around the field.

If I follow my usual hobby pattern it'll probably be my last one.

Keep it real

Gareth

Crackdown

Well it had to happen eventually and now it has. I've had my first Crackdown moment.

This is apparently when the XBox game Crackdown intrudes into your reality and it happened to me today.

As I was driving up the hill out of Lincoln I looked to my right to see the two big gas-o-meters behind the houses. I swear I could see a green agility orb on top of the towers.

Yes I am barking mad.

Yes I need to get out more.

Yes I need to lay off the Crackdown for a while.

But it's just so good.

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video blog

I will now turn my hand to video it's easier.

Posted a test video on youTube.

WTF?

Well after an enormously long gap I'm back again.

I can't believe how much time has gone by since my last entry. Christmas was awesome, I'm loving my Xbox360 especially Gears Of War. It really comes into it's own on Xbox LIVE.

So what have I done since Christmas? Well I did a three week course on intermediate biscuit management techniques. That wasn't bad actually and apart from the excess homework and polishing my trousers and ironing my shoes it all went well. Since then the factory has been fairly steady.

We did have a really busy week where the fat controller at the factory decided we had two weeks to design, test and manufacture a whole new range of biscuits. This process usually takes about two months so 2 weeks was a bit ambitious. Anyway we all worked our balls off for a week and then he realised we weren't getting anywhere near completion and decided to shitcan the idea. So now everything is back to normal.

Liverpool FC have raised and dashed my hopes again as usual. After a very brief spell of looking like catching up with Chelski the wheels have fell off and we've dropped 4 points in two games so it's business as usual.

Now that two fat yankees have bought the club thing's may be looking up. To be honest I can't see them spending tonnes of money on the squad but at least the new stadium will now happen. Unfortunately we will no doubt end up playing in the "Microsoft Windows Vista" stadium or the "Viagra Dome" at least we'd be guaranteed to stay up. ( I thank you.)

Well that's it for now, see ya soon.

I need a wii wii

I had my first play with the nintendo wii this weekend, and what can I say It's really good fun.

Thanks to Glenn, my little leprechaun gadget fiend friend, who always gets the newest games and gadgets straight away (ie spoilt bastard :)). I had a few hours play on his wii, he had wii sports, wii play, raving rabbids and zelda.

Okay first impressions are ooh this feels really weird, followed by wow this is so cool why has it taken so long for someone to come up with this idea.

The controller is great it's really responsive, a big concern of mine was whether it would actually feel right, this was put to rest as it does feel and respond well.

The unit itself is tiny and much like the ds lite it feels very "apple" like in its design and packaging, that's no bad thing.

The mini games are great the graphics are very simple and stylized but lets face it it's all about the interface and the wii-mote rocks. It's worth buying one just as a bowling simulator for parties at home. You really do have to use your body particularly your arms to play some of these games, I don't think it'll be long before the first blimp sized yank files a lawsuit for making him tired or giving them a heart attack

I will definitely be considering one of these as a second console if Diane considered such a thing feasible in this house. Actually that's rubbish as we've already got 4 games machines in use already. So let's just make it 5.

Just remember to keep tight hold of the controller or you might end up like the picture above.

christmas is coming

Well it's now officially December and I have to admit I'm quite excited about Xmas this year. As long as they don't bugger about with the shift system at the biscuit factory things should work out really well.

The three main reasons I'm looking forward to Xmas are, in no particular order these:

1.) I'm getting an Xbox360 with gears of war, I really can't wait to play this. Sometimes I find myself lying awake at night thinking about this. Makes a change from naked girls covered in trifle.

2.) The Doctor Who Xmas special, yes I am self confessed nerd and I really can't wait to see this. I've seen some of the leaked footage on youtube and it looked amazing. I love it when they do those tardis flying around on earth shots, like in last years special. The clip I saw just looked so exciting, I can't wait. I'm looking forward to xmas evening with a full belly, a glass of wine, bottle of lager, glass of port, peanuts, turkey drumstick and sprout butty in hand. Surrounded by broken toys and watching Doctor Who with the family.

3.) We've got a full house here for Xmas, my mum and dad are down for Xmas day and Di's parents will be joining them here for Boxing day. For me christmas has always been about family and when you look back on your life xmas days are like little islands in the fog of my appalling crap memory. I hope these days will live on in my kids memories like my past chrimbo's do for me.

I have to admit a guilty secret here, I have quite enjoyed this series of I'm a celebrity. Although I've watched most of it whilst peering over the top of my macbook it's been really funny. David Gest was hilarious and so was that little gay fella fighting with that scary black girl. She was as hard as nails, I had visions of her killing one of the celebrities and eating them, I don't mean that in a racist crappy cannibal joke way I just mean she was so single minded and mentally tough I didn't think she would let anything stop her from winning and boy could she eat.

The bush tucker trials are disgustingly funny. Although I think they went a bit over the top on the first one, that's probably why they refused. To be honest I don't see what is so scary about eating crocodile eyes, kangaroo's bumholes, nobs and balls. I've been eating iceland sausages for years and they taste alright to me.

See you soon, I'm off to Iceland. I'm not really that Kerry Katona has completely re-branded them as a major chav brand now. I couldn't believe the ad where she points at a table with some sausage rolls and trifle on and says, "I didn't think I was rich enough, posh enough or clever enough to have a dinner party. But now thanks to Iceland blah blah blah etc...".

I'm sorry but if cooking some sausage rolls and opening a trifle means that your rich, posh and clever then I must be Joe Billionaire, The Duke of Edinborough and Stephen Hawking all rolled into one because I could do all of that and even throw in some custard, a cup of tea and maybe some chocolate hob-nobs. Roll on the good times.

I'm still around.

to this
Originally uploaded by littlevurt.

Haven't done much for a while. As I've been stuck in a rut at the biscuit factory. It's okay though as we've been seperated now and the rut has been sacked for lewd conduct in a factory environment.

However I did bake this tremendous cake. Banana and walnut delicious. I also ate most of it as the kids decided they don't like walnuts.


I've not had much to write about as I've been feeling a bit un-inspired recently. Maybe I need to broaden my horizons to stimulate my interest. I could possibly take up para-gliding, or maybe just make some scones that'll be easier. Actually it's easier to just buy scones and eat them. Mmmmmm scones

I'll be back as that Arnold bloke used to say.

monkey bollocks

Well as I initially suspected my foreign biscuit making course was a complete pile of monkey bollocks.

Although it wasn't as depressing as I thought it would be, we did actually make some real biscuits whilst there. It was kind of stupid practicing making biscuits with one hand tied behind your back but what are you going to do.

The accommodation would make a drunken gypsy turn up his nose, but after a week living in an 8 man bin bag you kind of get used to it. We had some dodgy washing facilities there as well, it kind of defeated the object of having a shower when you had to wade through a 2 inch deep lake of typhoid infected pissy waste water every time you got in and out of said shower. I got athletes foot so bad I wanted to scratch my little toes with a chainsaw.

The food was ok, the quality varied from "excellent" to "what's this green shite supposed to be?" It's a good job I've been trained to eat things that would make a billy goat puke (like Di's cooking)

Still I'm back now and having had a week off work I tried to grow a goatee beard. Unfortunately it's a really poor effort, a kind of quasi-ginger wispy affair. Dunno why it's so crap I must have low testosterone, all that wanking is taking it's toll.

I spotted this little lego jihadi bloke on flickr thought it was cool.

Keep on trucking. I'll be back after my holidays

weekly stuff

Well It's my last day before I go on my biscuit practice course in Kraplakistan. I'm not looking forward to it, apparently to save money the company are putting us all up at a tented gypsy caravan site, deep joy.

I've started packing my stuff and I can't believe how much dunnage I've got to take. The recommended kitting list has filled my bags twice over and I've still got to find room for my own stuff. I'm not looking forward to this. I'm even going to miss my birthday, I'll probably end up drinking potato wine and having a luxury pot noodle for my tea. What a great birthday I will make up for it when I get back.

A quick note about the picture above I saw this at my local tesco's and thought that's what I call customer service. I don't know what kind of fat get needs a jcb to move their shopping but good luck to them.

Well I'm off for a few weeks so I'll see you when I see you. I will be contactable by mobile phone in the evening, special english rip-off mobile roaming rates will apply.